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Posted on August 3, 2012 by Comingout coil
www.comingout.co.il Actually, when I was 7, I always wanted to dress like a boy, wanted to do things like a boy In Fact I did everything like a boy would do Keep praying to God, asking him what is that little thing? Why did you put that little thing down there for me? And when I was about 13 or 14 years old, I thought maybe it’s just a phase that I am going through But things didn’t really changed and I kept Fantasising of becoming a boy I just felt I was in the wrong body When I reached that age, I kind of realized that it’s too late, even now to go and tell to my parents Even to discuss it with my sisters or anyone in India. I just lived in the closet all these years I just hiding myself, protecting myself not wanting to lose my friend or my family I was actually living in a slip personality When I was alone I wopuld be the person that I am And when I was with family or friends I was pretending I am a straight woman, I have no problem When I disclosed my family they gave me the ultimatum that is or this way or that way If you’re going for the change then you are dead for us We have nothing to do with you we don’t know who you are That’s fine but you know I need to get my happiness I need to have the freedom I can’t be feeling trapped always in this wrong body I just can’t being trapped My mind, everything thinks and wants and does everything like a man It’s torture basically, It frustrated you. I can not keep hiding myself in the closet. I need to come out because I am dommaging myself And I was damaging my son because all my frustration/depression is coming out on him. I also tried to kill myself during that time as well But behind all of this, my husband kind of stood there and told me “don’t give up, there is always hope” I kept trying to adjust myself to the society because in India, it’s just impossible to live freely. They still have to change a lot, the laws have to change -Is there a law against homosexuality in India? -Yes! In terms of offices or accepting the gay people Specially a Trans, there are a LOTS of problem in India You are asked to live your job and specialy if he is or she is going through a transition It’s I think being easier for a gay or a lesbian or a bisexual person to go out and get job. They wouldn’t be arrest that much But in the recent 5 years, things are changing in India. There are having a lot of gay parades They are people fighting for the gay rights Now you are with your son and your husband in the Caribbean? -Yes I am! I ran away because I wanted my freedom Just before I could decide to tell my parents I told my son just giving him slight-hands Recently I started talking to him and telling him about myself And he was very upset,I am constantly telling him that everyone has different feelings or they feel different for people So finally he has come to the terms and he told me that at the end you are my mother and it’s your life And it’s who you want to be And I will love you although it does hurt me a lot I was just living in that fear of hurting him and in any manner I didn’t want to because he is my boy, he is my everything -How old is he? – He is 12 Very recently when he heard it from someone else, he came back home and said “I hate you guys, I hate everything” and I had to calm him down and his dad also had to speak to him and calm him down and told him he need to understand I do give a lot of credit to my son’s father because he has always pushed me forward And said that you would have to live your life as you want and you will achieve what you want and I will help you to do that and if we have to do this sacrifice to come here you should start living the way you feel.Share on Facebook
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