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Dreamember HOME -My tribe

Posted on May 31, 2013 by Comingout coil

It’s been a long time now , that I’ve been looking for my
“tribe”. My “tribe” is a group of people that the only thing in
common between them and me is the fact that I feel at home when I
am with them. They don’t have to be from the same country, or speak
the same language. for me it’s the people I can feel free spirited,
creative in my unique way, and bring out all my inner color and
sounds. It’s no secret, that people quickly understand in a young
age that you cannot bring all your parts and uniqueness to this
world, usually we understand that without even being told that the
whole you is not accepted. Usually this discovery comes at the age
of elementary school. Than when you grow up you try to find the
friends that will accept you as you are, but we know that you can
be judged there too, and mostly each friend in a group has his own
part he is taking. Sometimes you can change over a long period of
10 years but some of your friends will see you the same way you
were back then. So the quest to find people like minded is
understood to the people who seek to live a happy and more
fulfilled life. I was searching most of my life for this feeling,
but I didn’t even know how to compare it to anything I knew, and I
didn’t even know where to start. Just the feeling of being away
from home was felt, a kind of home sick. The first time I felt like
I met my “tribe” was in the burning man festival in Nevada desert.
There, between 50,000 people I felt like I got home. My creativity
and my way of thinking was praised and celebrated by these
“strangers”, the feeling of fitting in and being accepted was very
deep and overwhelming , in a good way. But the burning man was only
8 days. And I knew that was only a glimpse of the way it could be.
A year after in Hampi India I met a group of people from all over
the world, and there I felt again like I came home. but again we
had to say goodbye .we were strangers who met on a cross road , and
we all needed to go our separate way. I didn’t give up, and until
today I’m searching for “my people”, my klan, my “tribe”. Those
people who makes you feel you got home, more than your family does
, Those people who can accept you because they know how the road
can feel long and lonely, those people who understand the language
you use even before you said a word. I will find my way home. And
All the seekers will to. sometimes with no people around who feel
like home, I Am my own “tribe”, and in these times I prepare the
way back.the way back home.
Dreamember HOME

השבט שלי זה כבר זמן מה
, אולי מהרגע שבו עלתה בי מודעות עצמית, שאני בחיפוש אחר ה״שבט״ שלי.
זה לא מקום פיזי, זה יותר נוגע לאנשים שאיתם אפשר להרגיש שאולי באיזה
אופן הגעתי הביתה. אנשים אלה שבחברתם המגננות יורדות וכל שאר חלקי
האישיות שלי, שאותם בכאב נאלצתי להסתיר, נחשפות לאור ואף מעודדות
להיות מובעות על ידי אותם אנשים. הסיבה שחלק מהתכונות שלנו נאלצות
להיקבר מובנת לכל אדם בוגר שיצא לו לחיות זמן מה על הכדור הזה, העובדה
שלא הכל מתקבל בעין יפה בחברה,מתגלה כבר בגיל בית ספר,אפילו תכונות
לבביות ביותר, כמו שמחת יתר, אמירת אמת עמוקה על החברה אינן מתקבלות
באהדה. מגיל צעיר אני בחיפוש , חיפוש עיוור , של אדם שאינו יודע אפילו
אם מה שהוא מחפש קיים. חיפוש שבו אי אפשר אפילו לספר לאנשים על הדבר
אותו אותו אתה מחפש, מחשש לגיחוך או מכך שיסיטו מהדרך. ולמזלי זה קרה.
הפעם הראשונה שבה פגשתי את ״השבט״ שלי הייתה בפסטיבל הברנינג מן במדבר
נוואדה בארה״ב. שם בחברת 50,000 אנשים אחרים מכל העולם הרגשתי שכאן
ובחברה הזאת לא רק שלא יעצרו את היצירתיות שבי או את המחשבה החופשית,
כאן אפילו הכישרונות שלי יתבקשו ביתר שאת ואבורך ככל שאביע את עצמי
באופן אותנטי וחופשי. קשה לתאר את השמחה הגדולה ואת ההתרגשות כשאדם
מתבקש בעדינות ובחברות להראות את כל צבעיו , את מחשבתו ואת המשוגעות
שבו. זוהי תחושה עמוקה ביותר של קבלה. בנוסף,מוזר לפגוש את השבט שלך
במקום מרוחק כל כך וגם מפתיע. אבל יותר מכל משמחת ומרגשת התחושה
העצומה שסוף סוף, הגעתי הביתה. אך הפסטיבל נמשך רק 8 ימים והמסקנה
המתבקשת היא שזהו לא המפגש היחיד בחיי עם קבוצה גדולה של אנשים שדומים
לי. המסע צריך להימשך, הדרך הביתה צריכה להימצא שוב ושוב , עוד ועוד.
זה עלול להיות מייאש לאלו שמחפשים להגיע הביתה במהרה, ואף אני נפלתי
לצד הדרך לא מעט פעמים בייאוש רב. בהמשך המסע גיליתי כי אותו השבט הוא
של אנשים הדומים לי בהוויה, בדרך שהם מביעים את עצמם והדרך שבה הם
חופשיים עם עצמם ויצא לי לפגוש אותם שם ופה לצד הדרך. לפעמים ניסיתי
ליצור קהילה בעצמי על בסיס מכנה משותף של אמנות ולהדביק ביחד את
האנשים הנכונים ממקומות שונים. לעיתים הצטרפתי לקהילה במחשבה שהנה, זה
אפשרי ליצור עולם מוצלח בתוך עולם מנוכר. אך לא מעט התבדיתי, ונאלצתי
להודות בכך שטעיתי ובחרתי בדרך הלא נכונה. יחד עם זאת,עדיין נשאר
החזון, החלום לסוף שדומה לסיפור של הברווזון המכוער.שם לאחר תלאות
רבות מדי מצא את הקבוצה שלו, את ״השבט״ שלו וכל הכאב והייאוש שעבר היו
קשורות לטעות אחת שלא קרתה באשמתו, המקום שבו נולד.הטעות תוקנה וכעת
שהוא גילה שהוא ברבור ולא ברווז ,ומצא את בני מינו בין חיות הטבע -
הוא הגיע הביתה. ואני כמוהו בחיפוש אינסופי עם וודאות של אדם שקרא כבר
את סוף הסיפור, אגיע הביתה וכך גם כל המחפשים. בנתיים ״השבט״ הזה, הוא
אני וחבריי החולמים. לפעמים ה״שבט״ הזה הוא אני לבד. בזמנים האלה, אני
עושה ניסיון לחדד את הערכים, הגישות, המילים והדרכים הנכונות שישרתו
אותי נכונה בהמשך המסע הזה הביתה.
Dreamember HOME
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