please love

2012, year of forgiveness and acceptance

Posted on September 24, 2012 by Comingout coil

Today I feel that finally I came out from the 2011 closet. Today I forgive.
This Yom Kippur is very special for me. My mum arrives from Paris to Tel Aviv today and I am going to take her from the airport with Aya, my wife, and we are going to spend Yom Kippur together after 6 years I haven’t spend Rosh Hashanah or Kippur with my parents (I know some of you wished they could escape from this intense family time period every year ;-) ).
2011 has been a very chaotic year for me. I have been angry and sad screaming for love and acceptance and I didn’t get what I wanted: my parents didn’t come to my wedding.
I discovered what it was to be really depressed, to touch this very low and dark zone.
In 2011 I didn’t forgive.
2012 has been a very challenging year too in a very different way. A lot of changes for me: I turned 30, new home, new job, new vision of love and relationship. I feel I am starting to get answers.
I started to accept that not everything is like I want it to be and I am not exactly who I would like to be and people would like me to be and it’s ok. I even learn how to love it, my imperfect world.
In that period of the year we are suppose to ask for forgiveness.
This year I decided to not ask people to forgive me but to do something harder for me and to take the responsibility on me: I chose to forgive.
For those who saw our movie “Please Love”, you know I thought I knew what love is… I couldn’t explain it ;-) (For those who haven’t seen it yet, you’ll get it: http://www.pleaselove.co.il )
Today I think love is to forgive I forgive my dad who still refuses to meet my wife, I forgive my mum who hasn’t been always there for me but made a lot of efforts this year, I forgive my brother that lives in his own world and hope he is happy there, I forgive myself, I forgive the universe.
I love imperfection.
Today I am happy, I feel free and complete.
I prepared with love my mum’s room in our home.
I wish you for this year the power to forgive yourself &co.
Bon Appetit
Yaelle

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  1. Aya September 24, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    יום הכיפורים הזה מאוד מיוחד בשבילי. אמא שלי מגיעה מפריס לתל האביב היום ואני הולכת לקחת אותה משדה התעופה עם איה, אשתי, ואנחנו הולכות לבלות את יום כיפורים ביחד אחרי 6 שנים שלא עשיתי את ראש השנה או כיפור עם ההורים שלי ( אני יודעת שחלק מכם רוצה רק להימלט מהמשפחתיות האינטנסיבית בתקופה זו של השנה).
    2011 הייתה שנה מאוד כאוטית בשבילי. הייתי עצובה, כעסתי, צרחתי לאהבה וקבלה ולא קבלתי את מה שרציתי: ההורים שלי לא באו לחתונה שלי.
    גיליתי מה זה להיות באמת מדוכא, לגעת באזור המאד נמוך והאפל הזה.
    בשנת 2011 אני לא סלחתי.
    2012 הייתה שנה מאוד מאתגרת גם בצורה מאוד שונה. הרבה שינויים עבורי: אני שיניתי קידומת והפכתי להיות בת 30, עברתי לבית חדש, עבודה חדשה, חזון חדש של אהבה ומערכת יחסים. אני מרגישה שאני מתחילה לקבל תשובות.
    התחלתי לקבל שלא הכל כמו שאני רוצה שזה יהיה, ואני לא בדיוק מי שהייתי רוצה להיות, ואנשים היו רוצים שאהיה וזה בסדר. אני אפילו לומדת לאהוב אותו, את העולם הלא המושלם שלי.
    בתקופה זו של השנה מניחים שנבקש סליחה.
    בשנה זו החלטתי שלא לבקש מאנשים לסלוח לי אלא לעשות משהו יותר קשה בשבילי ולקחת את האחריות עליי: אני בחרתי לסלוח.
    למי שראה את הסרט שלנו “פליז לאב”, אתם יודעים שאני חושבת שאני יודעת מהי אהבה … אני לא יכולה להסביר את זה (למי שלא ראה: http://www.pleaselove.co.il)
    היום אני חושבת שאהבה היא לסלוח. אני סולחת לאבא שלי, שעדיין מסרב לפגוש את אשתי, אני סולחת לאמא שלי, שלא נמצאת תמיד שם בשבילי, אבל עשתה הרבה מאמצים בשנה זו, אני סולחת לאחי שהסתגר לו בעולמו ומקווה שהוא מאושר שם, אני סולחת לעצמי, אני סולחת ליקום.
    אני אוהבת את חוסר שלמות.
    היום אני שמחה, אני מרגישה חופשיה ומלאה.
    אני מכינה לאמי באהבה את החדר אורחים בבית שלנו.
    שנה שעברה שמתי פתק בכותל- “בבקשה תן לי כוח לסלוח”. עכשיו קיבלתי
    אני מאחלת לך לשנה זו את הכח לסלוח אם עוד לא קיבלחם.
    bon appetit
    יעל

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