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Chen

Posted on October 15, 2012 by Comingout coil

לאחר שני בנים שמלנו החלטנו לא לימול את הבן השלישי. התגובות מאד טעונות ושיפוטיות. הרבה אנשים כועסים איך אני מחליטה בשביל הבן שלי ושמה עליו את התווית של הילד השונה. שום טיעון שמצדיק את זה לא שווה את המהלך הזה , יש לזה הרבה השלכות שאנחנו מאד בקלות מתעלמים מהם. “כמו כל בחירה “כל העולם כולו גשר צר מאד והעיקר לא לפחד כלל

I have 3 sons; the oldest is 8 years old and has been circumcised; my middle son is 5½ and has also been circumcised.

Both of them were circumcised against my will and after many arguments with my partner.

During my 3rd pregnancy and inspite of praying for a little girl, we got another boy. And this time, after more long and profound discussions with my partner, we decided to come out of the closet and not circumcise him.

Things weren’t easy between us, as my partner was very firm in his opinion that from a social point of view it was not worth taking the risk that this child would be different and feel in some way that he is separate from the others and he felt that we should circumcise our third son too. I felt that we could live with this differentiation and that this did not justify the violent and unnecessary act.

We certainly don’t have any religious beliefs about this. Of course our choices in life are not made according to the norms of society. We had a few very difficult conversations and I’m pleased to say that this time, he decided to support me.

ARE YOU OK WITH THIS TODAY?

Very much so.

DO YOU THINK THAT THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WILL ACCOMPANY YOU IN THE FUTURE, OR DO YOU FEEL THAT ITS A CLOSED ISSUE?

I think that it will come back to me because of people’s reactions. My standpoint in this has not been undermined at all , he is now 3 years old, but, “never say never”. People’s responses are not always straight forward – my parents found it very difficult, my partner’s father had a very difficult time with this. Lots of people, when it comes up in a discussion, have very judgemental and loaded responses.

There is a very wide consensus about this. I don’t know why it elicits such responses in people. Many people get really angry and question how I could have made this decision on my son’s behalf as it is so drastic and immediately labels him as the “different” child, even though in my eyes, this “difference” is just like any other difference between children.

I don’t think that any claim can justify the process of taking a small, helpless 8 day old baby and doing it and I think that people tell themselves that its just a minor thing, that it doesn’t hurt too much and that no one remembers it and that its not a big deal. I don’t agree with this. I don’t think its minor, I think its violent and painful and cruel and that the memory is stored somewhere in the body and that it has many implications which we too easily brush aside.

When I decided to check it out, I discovered more and more people who decided not to circumcise their sons. Like many of the decisions we make in life, the important thing to remember is not to be afraid.

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