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הגיע הזמן להוציא את האמת

Posted on February 13, 2013 by aya

נולדתי לפני 40 וקצת שנים למשפחה הרוסה, משפחה שבורה, ללא יכולת להכיל אותי.

אמי נשלחה ע”י אמה שגידלה אותה לבד בהונגריה לישראל, כאשר הנאצים כבשו את הונגריה.
היא עלתה לבדה ,ילדה בת 14 עם צמות ארוכות לאונייה שהייתה אמורה להביא אותה לישראל ביחד עם אלפי ילדים ונערים לבדם.

האונייה נעצרה ונשלחה למחנה פליטים בקפריסין

שם היא שעתה כמה שנים, ושם היא הכירה את בעלה שהיה מבוגר ממנה בכמה עשרות שנים.
אשתו וילדיו נרצחו מול עניו, הוא היה נכה, לא ראה בעין אחת, לא היו לו כמה אצבעות, הוא אהב את אמא שלי כאילו היתה ילדתו, הוא טיפח אותה, נולדו להם שתי בנות, הוא היה אב למופת, גידל את הבנות , גידל את אמי, התייחס אליה כאילו היא גם הייתה בתו.

ביום שבת אחד, כאשר הבנות שלו היו בת-13 ובת -5 הוא הלך לעבודה ויותר לא שב, הוא נדרס.
אמא שלי נשארה עם שתי ילדות, היא לא ידעה לגדל אותם, היא בעצמה הייתה ילדה, לא היה לה אף אחד בעולם, היא נכנסה למיטה ולא יצאה ממנה.

ואז הגיעו חברים שהיו סביבה והחליטו להכיר לה גבר

רווק, גם מבוגר, אדם ניצול שואה שלא יודעים עליו הרבה, כנראה שגם הוא איבד את משפחתו, אין לו שום רכוש והכי חשוב הוא לא רוצה ילדים, הוא יוכל לעזור לאמי לגדל את בנותיה. לא יהיה אכפת לו שיהיו תמונות בכל הבית של בעלה הראשון, בעצם לא אכפת לו כלום, הסדר מצוין, לו יהיה איפה לישון , והוא יעזור לה ,כך גם נאמר כנראה לבנות.
אבא ואמא שלי התחתנו.

אין לי מושג איך ההסכם הופר

כנראה שאז לא שמעו על אמצעי מניעה, אבל נולדתי.
אבא היה בהלם, לא היה מוכן לגעת בי, אמא לא ידעה מה לעשות עם “זה”.
הבת הבכורה ברחה מהבית והתחתנה, נכנסה להריון וילדה בן.
הבת הקטנה שהיתה בגיל ההתבגרות לפי הסיפורים, היתה אמורה לשמור עלי, השאירה אותי תינוקת לבד בבית והלכה ליום שלם.

בבית דיברו רק בהונגרית, ואנשים מבוגרים היו באים ומתיישבים שעות ומשחקים קלפים ואותי היו שמים בלול, שם הייתי יושבת ימים, אמא לא היתה מוציאה אותי מהלול כי אמרה שזה מסוכן, והיא לא יכולה לאבד עוד מישהו בחיים.

אבא לא הרים אותי בידים

לא דיבר איתי, לא חיבק אותי, כאילו אני בכלל לא קיימת.
אבל היה מקום אחד שאני והוא היינו ביחד ואף אחד לא ידע וזה היה הסוד שלנו…

רק הוא יודע לנגב ככה את הטוסיק

תמיד תמיד שעשיתי קקי, הייתי קוראת לו לנגב לי, רק אז הוא היה מחייך מחבק ועושה לי נעים, הוא היה מבקש שגם אני אעשה לו נעים.
הוא אמר שאף אחד לא מבין את זה כמוני, והוא היה לפעמים קורא לי בשמות אחרים. הוא היה אומר שאלה שמות חיבה מיוחדים, רק לאנשים מיוחדים כמוני.

אני אפילו הייתי עושה כאילו אני עושה קקי וקוראת לו, כדי שהוא יבוא ונהיה ביחד.
תמיד כולם היו צוחקים שהוא צריך לעבוד בהחלפת חיתולים

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